Y’all know that I love the enneagram! It has been a transformational tool in my life. Learning more about my personality type and the types of all of my people has allowed me to be more compassionate and understanding. It’s also created many light bulb moments for why my people act or say particular things.
It can be transformational to you, too. And, one area that it’s so helpful for is with relationships. Many of the questions I get on my instagram account are bout how to improve a relationship with a certain type. So, I thought it would be helpful to give a list of a few actions that might help relate to each to type. Also, I created an illustration about how each type approaches a relationship so you can better understand not only how to be a better friend, but also how each type of person shows up in a friendship!
Type One – The Reformer
How to Relate to a Type 1:
- Admit your mistakes
- Respect their desire to live with integrity
- Recognize they are particularly sensitive to criticism
- Take you own responsibilities in the relationship seriously
- Remind them how good they are and how much you appreciate their dedication
Type Two – The Helper
How to Relate to Type 2:
- Express your appreciation of them often
- Remind them they don’t need others’ approval
- Pay attention to their needs, too
- Engage with them warmly and often
- Encourage them to practice self care
Type Three – The Achiever
How to Relate to a Type 3:
- Remind them that your love is not dependent on their accomplishments
- Let them work without distraction
- Encourage them to express their feelings
- Join them in some activities where they can earn recognition or accomplish something
- Don’t be overly critical of them
Type Four – The Individualist
How to Relate to a Type 4:
- Discuss your feelings and emotions with them
- Compliment and encourage their creativity and uniqueness
- Allow them to express themselves when they are upset without overreacting to it
- Just listen to them without trying to fix or change anything
- Remind them that they are not lacking in anything
Type Five – The Investigator
How to Relate to a Type 5:
- Do not interpret their need for privacy as a rejection of you
- Allow them time to think and process information before making decisions
- Be a safe space for them to share their feelings and emotions
- Always be concise and straight to the point
- Encourage them to ask you for help
Type Six – The Loyalist
How to Relate to a Type 6:
- Give them space and time to prepare a plan
- Be a consistent and trustworthy friend
- Encourage them to see past their self doubt
- Be honest and direct with them
- Share you feelings and emotions with them
Type Seven – The Enthusiast
How to Relate to a Type 7:
- Join them on new adventures
- Be enthusiastic and positive when approaching difficult topics
- Have stimulating conversations with them
- Appreciate their stories and ideas
- Take their suggestions into consideration
Type Eight – The Challenger
How to Relate to a Type 8:
- Be forthright and honest with them
- Encourage their sensitive side and feelings
- Hold your ground when they challenge you
- Do not betray their confidences when they open up
- Be open to the possibility that their aggressive actions might come from personal hurts
Type Nine – The Peacemaker
How to Relate to a Type 9
- Let them know it’s okay to say No sometimes
- Take their opinions and suggestions seriously and encourage them to share them more often
- Take time to just listen to them
- Remain patient with them and don’t pressure them
- Encourage them to take action and be proactive
